i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
