So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
