Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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