Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
