the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
