biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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