Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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