sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
