I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
