She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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