I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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