I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
