everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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