we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
