You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
