I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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