I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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