So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
