Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
