Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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