i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
