I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
