She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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