Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
