Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
