I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
