i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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