whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
