I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
