So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
