Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
