"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
