I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
