Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
