is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
