I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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