you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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