You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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