My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
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