just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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