i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
