i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
