doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
