Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
