Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
