dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize