My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
