is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
