Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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