im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
