i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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