Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
