i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
