gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
