I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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