My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
