He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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