So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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