My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
