Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
