We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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